My Song

This song by Avenged Sevenfold, called I Wont See You Tonight, listened to it everyday whilst i was at UK, thought about stuff, and those 3 weeks that i have realized the relationship aint going to well.. so yeah.. these are the lyrics, cant really sing it so i just sang in the bathroom while it was playing xD


Cry alone, I've gone away 
No more nights, no more pain 
I've gone alone, took all my strength 
I've made the change, 
I wont see you tonight 

Sorrow sank deep inside my blood 
All the ones around me 
I cared for and loved 

It's building up inside of me 
A place so dark, so cold, I had to set me free 
Don't mourn for me, 
You're not the one to place the blame 
As bottles call my name 
I won't see you tonight 


Sorrow sank deep inside my blood 
All the ones around me 
I cared for and most of all I loved 
But I can't see myself that way 
Please don't forget me, or cry while I'm away 


Cry alone, I've gone away 
No more nights, no more pain 
I've gone alone, took all my strength 
But I've made the change, 
I wont see you tonight 

(So far away, I'm gone
Please don't follow me tonight 
And while I'm gone, everything will be alright)

No more breath inside 
Essence left my heart tonight [x2]



This song just makes me really sad, ATM even.. but life moves on >_>

Dunno..

It aint normal for me to update my blog almost everyday, but it just feels like the only way i can express myself and all, cuz im just afraid that when i express it in real life, people will start judging, but i know people have been judging me for a long time, even now, so im not that worried, just keep it to yourself don't have to tell me no matter how bad it is, i lost 2 people in a year, that really is a big bummer.. and i know they've moved on and im not surprised so it just tells me that life sometimes suck, and this year im actually being such a bitch, yeah i know it myself, owh btw, ignore the post down there its just me trolling xD i would never tell who i trust, and i was just curious on how many people will get mad at me, my curiousity is bigger than the universe so it dont be surprise if i hurt some people with my curiousity, its just me, not surprised if alot of people are mad at me, it aint surprising, mom gets mad everyday so its just like a breath of fresh air aint nothing so special about it

realize i've done some things wrong, alot of things i guess, so i am sorry, it just goes to show that some people have really been messing with my zen this past few days, family specially, mom dad, aunty all stressing about SPM, and breaking up with her seemed like it was just yesterday, it still hurts, it comes and goes, but its not that bad, its good to remember the times we had, makes me smile once in a while, which is rare these days, rarely smile even if you did see me having a big smile on my face, aint meaning im smiling on the inside,

i know i wasnt such a good bf to you.. always missed the times you were crying, and you were alone, still regret being so angry at UK, and always scolding you, and even i didnt know when u cried, right now im real dizzy and im real tired and im gonna play some games now to make me relax, feel like im gonna puke any second, i found my dinosaur bottle, and thing im gonna bring it to school, today when i came back i looked at lucky feet and he seemed so sad, guess when his emotions are like mine.. just finished add maths, gonna hang my clothes in a while

so to the people that are angry at me, go on being angry you can even bitch about me if you want, i don't mind, just don't tell me in the face cuz ill give you one punch, no matter girl or boy.. well goodnight, and whoever is reading this, HAI :J

Fact :

People i dont trust :
-Everyone cept the following
(i) Acap
(ii) Harith
(iii) Edz (he can be a bitch sometimes but its okay)
(iv) Hazman
(v) Ariff
(vi) Aaron
(vii) Joyen (Dont you fucking judge me, if you are, then dont read this)
--------- NO ONE ELSE -----------

One of the reasons if your not in the list cuz thats just the way it is, cant trust anyone anymore, even these people o so, i dont tell em anything, cept top 3, well not everything... just that, these guys were there they didnt bother if i was sad, if i broke up, if my grandfather died, my mom in car crash o so, they don't care, they would cheer the fuck out of me, and give me all sorts of funny shit, i owe them >_> just cuz i dont trust you, doesnt mean your not my friend, AND YOU as in everyone, don't read this wrongly noob, just the way it is, its my way, so if u don't like my way, then fine, its just me, dont fucking judge who i am, judge urself before you do...

I really don't know whos my friend and who do i let my heart out on emotions, its boiling inside me i guess ill just keep it in for awhile or maybe a period of time or maybe forever.. don't get me wrong, there are loads of people who were there for me.... were... now they strangers.. met a friend at mcd, ignored me.. nvm lah, just let it be zayd.. just let it be, life aint perfect, so.. ill do what i always do, keep it in, and act nice to everyone (:

The tables are turned..

You know ah today ah, fuish, damn bad mood when i found out lah, its just like shit... til i found this :

I WAS LIKE!! THE FUCK MAN!! THE FUCK!! WHAT IS THIS SHIT!!!!... damn almost fell off my chair laughing xDD damn.. well... bad thing is, gonna avoid talking to people now >_> but meh, dunnow lah PEACE OUT!!!

Vanilla Twilight

The song that has held so many of my memories, all the bad ones, all the good ones, all the happy ones, and all the sad ones, especially form 3.... haih

I know, and don't say that i don't, just cuz i'm not there when i heard it, i still got people telling me whats going on around, and no, i'm not mad, ill just let it be, like i said, SPM.. SPM.. SPM.. Really wanna get that scolarship, so i can join my sister up there, at the northern hemisphere, yeah its sad to leave friends behind, but its the price to pay, when u want to succeed in life, and i wont forget 'em always got facebook, and always got calls and visits.. I'm going to sleep in a while, gazing through my memory box in my mind.....

Headlines...

I know havent been a good bf and all.. and im sorry i ended it by texting.. i wanna say all these stuff but i cant, cuz it doesnt matter any more... sigh.. i just wanna die.. emotions get the best of me.. now im just, playing with a friend to just calm myself down my gut feels like its contracting inside itself so badly really havent been this sad in a long time, but no, i dont expect u to text me like usual, and im not surprised, so guess i wont text u in a while, i really need my bros right now, thank god i got acap and harith and edz, and muhaimin, to cheer me up at school or something... know they arent the best at talking bout girl issues, but they cheer me up and forget bout stuff, they cheered me up more than anyone else, well the good thing is im concentrating more and more on studies, its going smooth and i feel like i can score, but the bad thing is, i feel lonely as fuck, everybody just left me liddat, cept for my bros, thats why i would prefer them, then the interact friends that are so into popularity and all that shit.. i prefer talking to them, then talking to my crush, or my gf, or my ex... or any girl for that matter... my friend is like loosing and we're laughing together xD i died, thats why im writing this .__. but yeah, no one can overcome how close i am to my guy friends rather than girls, soo, if the girls wanna just leave me out on anything, thats fine, im already lonely as fuck, and im not surprised if more and more people forget bout me, i just need my bro's.. and my sisters.. i dont expect u to understand, but if u do then thanks, u dont have to talk to me with ur short texts, i wont waste ur credit, so yeah... my friends doing great, his macro and micro starting to buck up.. still have that sad feeling.. but yeah life aint a bed of roses, they still have thorns in them... first update since UK, so really.. i just quit interact cuz i duwanna feel lonely anymore, make friends in interact then they just ignore me and all.. but hey, i dont mind.. like my mom said.. don't make friends important, be selfish sometimes, ur friends will not always be there for you when u need them, go on by ur own and on ur own to accomplish ur future, and my mom when she scolds me for being out with friends too much, she always asks me "Will davina and all those friends be there for you in the future?" i know the answer is no.. but i just didnt wanna make a fool of myself, if ur saying im too mean, then do so, cuz right now the only ones i call friends are the ones i meet in school everyday, and they guys i meet at tuition, the ones that pick me up when im down..

First update after UK :)

Well this is my first update since my UK, wow, its been like 3 weeks full of coldness and chillness and and my sister asking me to wash the dishes @____@""" well im finally back and the weather is so freaking hot man! its unbearable!! but nyeh, i came back and i didnt come back alone, i came back with my old friend..... FEVER!!! yesterday i hung out with her and soon, so nice to see her, missed her so much while i was away, and i felt so bad, even if i said sorry so many times i couldnt feel better, its just the way i am .____. whenever someone does something bad, i feel guilty, like WTF?! ah well, i was just raised that way, to always apologize and be nice. but ah well...

Well first day did nothing actually, couldnt find the mosque around Hyde Park, the tube when i took it it was freaking confusing!! its like, 7 or maybe 10 LINES!! and all different colours, i couldnt make my way anywhere, so i just stuck at Piccadilly Circus and just read waterstone books... went to stone henge and Bathe, and freaking hell the Light Garden at the Art Museum was freaking awesome!! IT REALLY WAS FREAKING AWESOME!! and i read this book called Eye of the Moon, and it really is messed up, SERIOUSLY!! it really is the most messed up book i have, i mean come on, what girl has a name Cleavage?!?! it costed like... 8 Pounds? that was bout 40 ringgit, i couldve bought.. em... 2? maybe 3? Horrible history books at Book Xcess? maybe more?? maybe... 4? 5? Idk u tell me, right now im just sitting on my torn up chair jet lagging and now its about, about 10pm there at UK so i might not sleep soon, just listened to like, 10 sad songs just now at Mtv, pretty... pretty sad.. yeah pretty sad... idk what im talking bout, well one of these songs reminded me of my ex. and it just reminded me of all the things i said to her, and i just felt bad, but MAYBE.. just maybe... im not making this up... Santa claus didnt bring up some present for me and gave this to me... just maybe... JUST MAYBE!! I will not be... crazy? these past few days.. idk... but if i do... too bad for you ;D

Its... 6.20am, and i miss her .__. yesterday... i miss yesterday, never say a Lioness in real life face to face... but i guess i did yesterday, bit me til i was bleeding HAHA!!! I still love you :) BUT EVERYTHINGS CHANGING!!! sorry the randomness, listening to second heartbeat :P theres nothing like A7x in the morning babeh!! OMFG OMFG OMFG!!! my sister getting engaged this... Sunday?? talk is on Saturday? sure bout that zayd? yes im very sure about that zayd thank you for asking.. no problem zayd... aight im just being weird, Sister getting married and idk what the hell to wear, well it doesnt matter actually, well it does!!! idk .___. maybe ill just wear my Joker T-Shirt and my GAP jeans... if mommy lets me, i feel like finishing the caramel custard, SERIOUSLY!! its like in the fridge tempting me like some... nevermind.... GAAAH!! stop telling me to eat u custard!! I want u to live!! so the other people MAY DEVOUR YOU!!!

Huh, i duwanna write any more emo stuff no more cuz last time i did that, it did nothing, i mean the pain still inside but writing it down just eases the pain, but the pain comes right back, and some people might get terasa bout what u write, like they think its you and all, eh its normal, i sometimes happen, i mean, IT sometimes happens to me, we're only human PEOPLE!! Well UK was fun, but i would like to have her in my arms, either in UK or here, but sadly she cant come with me to UK so i would prefer going back to M'sia and have her here ^^ shes asleep right now... OOOOOHH!!!!! *omnomnom her tummy* you shall never know what that means :P well woodland friends.. hehe got that from Weazel, too bad he drinks =/ or not i could play his Drinking game when i play games with him, still wonder how he can get so many kills while his drunk -.^ the bloody gay! haha!! sorry weazel, wait... u dont know i have this blog, MUAHAHAHA!! WEAZEL U GAY BASTARD!! alright i'll stop now...

But I love his cat man, his cat is just adorable, and somehow.... SOMEHOW... Davina has a cat and its name is.. SHADOW!! OOOOOOOOOOWH! THE IRONY! gotta contain myself! CONTAIN URSELF ZAYD CONTAIN ZE BLOODLUST WIZIN YOU!!! well, i think imma go play Starcraft 2 now and pawn some noobs, but imma see if weazel is awake, i hope he is :P GOODNIGHT MY LITTLE WOODLAND FRIENDS

~Peace out .:[Z]ay[D]:.