Vanilla Twilight

The song that has held so many of my memories, all the bad ones, all the good ones, all the happy ones, and all the sad ones, especially form 3.... haih

I know, and don't say that i don't, just cuz i'm not there when i heard it, i still got people telling me whats going on around, and no, i'm not mad, ill just let it be, like i said, SPM.. SPM.. SPM.. Really wanna get that scolarship, so i can join my sister up there, at the northern hemisphere, yeah its sad to leave friends behind, but its the price to pay, when u want to succeed in life, and i wont forget 'em always got facebook, and always got calls and visits.. I'm going to sleep in a while, gazing through my memory box in my mind.....

Headlines...

I know havent been a good bf and all.. and im sorry i ended it by texting.. i wanna say all these stuff but i cant, cuz it doesnt matter any more... sigh.. i just wanna die.. emotions get the best of me.. now im just, playing with a friend to just calm myself down my gut feels like its contracting inside itself so badly really havent been this sad in a long time, but no, i dont expect u to text me like usual, and im not surprised, so guess i wont text u in a while, i really need my bros right now, thank god i got acap and harith and edz, and muhaimin, to cheer me up at school or something... know they arent the best at talking bout girl issues, but they cheer me up and forget bout stuff, they cheered me up more than anyone else, well the good thing is im concentrating more and more on studies, its going smooth and i feel like i can score, but the bad thing is, i feel lonely as fuck, everybody just left me liddat, cept for my bros, thats why i would prefer them, then the interact friends that are so into popularity and all that shit.. i prefer talking to them, then talking to my crush, or my gf, or my ex... or any girl for that matter... my friend is like loosing and we're laughing together xD i died, thats why im writing this .__. but yeah, no one can overcome how close i am to my guy friends rather than girls, soo, if the girls wanna just leave me out on anything, thats fine, im already lonely as fuck, and im not surprised if more and more people forget bout me, i just need my bro's.. and my sisters.. i dont expect u to understand, but if u do then thanks, u dont have to talk to me with ur short texts, i wont waste ur credit, so yeah... my friends doing great, his macro and micro starting to buck up.. still have that sad feeling.. but yeah life aint a bed of roses, they still have thorns in them... first update since UK, so really.. i just quit interact cuz i duwanna feel lonely anymore, make friends in interact then they just ignore me and all.. but hey, i dont mind.. like my mom said.. don't make friends important, be selfish sometimes, ur friends will not always be there for you when u need them, go on by ur own and on ur own to accomplish ur future, and my mom when she scolds me for being out with friends too much, she always asks me "Will davina and all those friends be there for you in the future?" i know the answer is no.. but i just didnt wanna make a fool of myself, if ur saying im too mean, then do so, cuz right now the only ones i call friends are the ones i meet in school everyday, and they guys i meet at tuition, the ones that pick me up when im down..

First update after UK :)

Well this is my first update since my UK, wow, its been like 3 weeks full of coldness and chillness and and my sister asking me to wash the dishes @____@""" well im finally back and the weather is so freaking hot man! its unbearable!! but nyeh, i came back and i didnt come back alone, i came back with my old friend..... FEVER!!! yesterday i hung out with her and soon, so nice to see her, missed her so much while i was away, and i felt so bad, even if i said sorry so many times i couldnt feel better, its just the way i am .____. whenever someone does something bad, i feel guilty, like WTF?! ah well, i was just raised that way, to always apologize and be nice. but ah well...

Well first day did nothing actually, couldnt find the mosque around Hyde Park, the tube when i took it it was freaking confusing!! its like, 7 or maybe 10 LINES!! and all different colours, i couldnt make my way anywhere, so i just stuck at Piccadilly Circus and just read waterstone books... went to stone henge and Bathe, and freaking hell the Light Garden at the Art Museum was freaking awesome!! IT REALLY WAS FREAKING AWESOME!! and i read this book called Eye of the Moon, and it really is messed up, SERIOUSLY!! it really is the most messed up book i have, i mean come on, what girl has a name Cleavage?!?! it costed like... 8 Pounds? that was bout 40 ringgit, i couldve bought.. em... 2? maybe 3? Horrible history books at Book Xcess? maybe more?? maybe... 4? 5? Idk u tell me, right now im just sitting on my torn up chair jet lagging and now its about, about 10pm there at UK so i might not sleep soon, just listened to like, 10 sad songs just now at Mtv, pretty... pretty sad.. yeah pretty sad... idk what im talking bout, well one of these songs reminded me of my ex. and it just reminded me of all the things i said to her, and i just felt bad, but MAYBE.. just maybe... im not making this up... Santa claus didnt bring up some present for me and gave this to me... just maybe... JUST MAYBE!! I will not be... crazy? these past few days.. idk... but if i do... too bad for you ;D

Its... 6.20am, and i miss her .__. yesterday... i miss yesterday, never say a Lioness in real life face to face... but i guess i did yesterday, bit me til i was bleeding HAHA!!! I still love you :) BUT EVERYTHINGS CHANGING!!! sorry the randomness, listening to second heartbeat :P theres nothing like A7x in the morning babeh!! OMFG OMFG OMFG!!! my sister getting engaged this... Sunday?? talk is on Saturday? sure bout that zayd? yes im very sure about that zayd thank you for asking.. no problem zayd... aight im just being weird, Sister getting married and idk what the hell to wear, well it doesnt matter actually, well it does!!! idk .___. maybe ill just wear my Joker T-Shirt and my GAP jeans... if mommy lets me, i feel like finishing the caramel custard, SERIOUSLY!! its like in the fridge tempting me like some... nevermind.... GAAAH!! stop telling me to eat u custard!! I want u to live!! so the other people MAY DEVOUR YOU!!!

Huh, i duwanna write any more emo stuff no more cuz last time i did that, it did nothing, i mean the pain still inside but writing it down just eases the pain, but the pain comes right back, and some people might get terasa bout what u write, like they think its you and all, eh its normal, i sometimes happen, i mean, IT sometimes happens to me, we're only human PEOPLE!! Well UK was fun, but i would like to have her in my arms, either in UK or here, but sadly she cant come with me to UK so i would prefer going back to M'sia and have her here ^^ shes asleep right now... OOOOOHH!!!!! *omnomnom her tummy* you shall never know what that means :P well woodland friends.. hehe got that from Weazel, too bad he drinks =/ or not i could play his Drinking game when i play games with him, still wonder how he can get so many kills while his drunk -.^ the bloody gay! haha!! sorry weazel, wait... u dont know i have this blog, MUAHAHAHA!! WEAZEL U GAY BASTARD!! alright i'll stop now...

But I love his cat man, his cat is just adorable, and somehow.... SOMEHOW... Davina has a cat and its name is.. SHADOW!! OOOOOOOOOOWH! THE IRONY! gotta contain myself! CONTAIN URSELF ZAYD CONTAIN ZE BLOODLUST WIZIN YOU!!! well, i think imma go play Starcraft 2 now and pawn some noobs, but imma see if weazel is awake, i hope he is :P GOODNIGHT MY LITTLE WOODLAND FRIENDS

~Peace out .:[Z]ay[D]:.

Long time no update

Wow, long time i never touch my blogger!! well, nothing to say actually, yesterday had an awesome time taking care of kids, met this lil chinese girl called Lim Yee Xuan, she was soooo cute, always wore my jester hat and my big black gloves, and other lil kids, they were so cute, had a great time playing with them, eating with them, haha, miss them already =/ and i got payed :P

I got 1 more day... wait.. wtf.. 1 MORE DAY?!?! shiT!! never even packed yet >___< gonna be there for 3 weeks man, gonna freeze ma balls off .__. least i get some alone time, still feel bad bought not keeping my promise, hope she'll be fine without me, going McD today, dunnow wether to go tuition o not today, maybe not, maybe yes, see first lah, bye bye, im going to go play games now ...

As Eminem says...

I'mma GOAT... Greatest Of All Time :)

i have so much to say but your so far away...

I know things arent like last time, but that doesnt mean we cant let go of the past? The past is just a piece of our mind, and can be ignored and forgetting, making new space for much more cheerfull memories rather than sad, u and me didnt last a month, but i miss everyday of it with you, especially the last night at mcd, i walked u back home, gave u a big hug, and went back to mcd to join the others, even though u broke up with me, im okay with that, it wasnt a mistake, and i respect that, truthfully i think it was better if we did, u needed to study, and i think i was getting distracted... wait... i always am xD well it was better for you, not for me, but hey, i rather choose whats best for you than for me...

sorry if i pissed u off or made like i cared but didnt care if i did... soz.. i do still care, but if u dun think that, than so shall it be... i wont stop ur denial, ill just accept it, and if u think this is so hard to believe, okay then, i dun mind if u just say this is some crap or bullshit, fine by me, im just saying what i wanna say, i don't need you to critic my words, i just want u to read it and understand, i dun know if u lied or if it was the truth, bout the reason u broke up with me, heh, guess ill never learn the truth, i know.. cuz u'll never tell me, like the reasons why u never told me why u chose me, the reasons why u always hugged me... it will always remain a mystery in my head that would never be solved

Like the mystery of why the fuck am i crazy?? LOL!! If u dun wanna read this then fine... so be it.. dun wanna believe this... fine... if u think i never cared bout u... so the days when i asked a hug, i comfirt you when ur bored, or always talked to u when ur mom pissess u off, or when i always webcammed you, and when u fell asleep i din bother waking u up cuz i din wanna bother u, and heck i din even get the first chance i got when i had a chance to go for the girl i wanted last year when she broke up with her bf... no... i stayed.. cuz i knew.. deep down inside u had feelings for me... but now guess those feelings have burned into ashes... just like my soul - -"

Best Lyrics i've heard so far...

I love you,
You were ready,
your pain is strong despite,
but ill see you,
when HE lets me,

Your pain is gone,
your hands are tied!!
So far away,
and i need you to know,
SO FAR AWAY!!!
and i need you to,
to need you to know
<3